?

Log in

Aspiring Nursing Student [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
gddssvxn

[ website | Hoverspot.com ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Links
[Links:| Angels and me ]

Very confused and irritable [Oct. 20th, 2006|03:00 pm]
gddssvxn
[Current Mood |confusedconfused]

Recently Isaac approached me and asked me how I would feel if we moved back to Indiana next summer instead of going for a visit. Part of me is very happy and excited about that idea, being closer to our family and friends would be nice after our baby arrives. On the other hand i'm getting comfortable here. There are things here that we have going for ourselves that would be hard to maintain and manage there. I mean yeah the job market is a whole hell of a lot better there than here but i like it here. We've started making new friends and we've been preparing for our own little family. Here we can get a nice little house that would be great for us and our child for dirt cheap. There we would be paying twice as much for rent and not have as much space. Not to mention Isaac's job is going well for him and so is his new band. I'm just very unsure of everything right now. I miss my family and friends in Indiana terribly but i'm also happy here. Things are going our way out here and if we go back we'll have to start all over again. I don't want to do that but at the same time I don't know if I want to leave Concordia. I mean yes everyone back home will get the chance to meet our child next summer and be able to see him/her whenever we come back for a visit. I'm just not sure if i'm willing to give up the life we have here to go back to the life we had there.
LinkLeave a comment

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Oct. 4th, 2006|08:21 am]
gddssvxn
[Current Mood |happyhappy]

This is going to be a short entry for right now. I just wanted to shout from the roof top that I'M ENGAGED!!!!! Last night Isaac read me this poem he wrote for me, he then got down on one knee and asked me to marry him and of course I said yes. Everything I've always wanted is finally happening to me. This is the happiest I've ever been.
LinkLeave a comment

upcoming events [Sep. 27th, 2006|05:19 pm]
gddssvxn
[Current Mood |stressedstressed]

With my birthday gradually getting closer and closer and my belly getting larger and larger there are some anxieties looming over my head. I'm only going to be 22 and there were a lot of things I wanted to do before settling down and having a family. Like maybe taking a romantic vacation with Isaac or looking into doing some other classes to maybe help me get one step closer to my degree. I know this is something I've always wanted and now that i'm getting it I'm not sure I want it anymore. I guess its just baby blues but as the months roll by things just keep popping up making my stress level higher and higher. I'm not sure how much more I can put up with before I seriously hurt myself and/or my baby. I just wish there was some hope in sight but there doesn't seem to be any. With the bills and other responsibilities I've taken on since being on my own things are a lot harder now and I'm not sure how to deal with it.
LinkLeave a comment

Things are looking up [Sep. 22nd, 2006|10:01 am]
gddssvxn
[Current Mood |okayokay]

It just dawned on me the other day. Next weekend is my birthday, I can't believe I almost forgot my own birthday. Crazy I know but with everything going on at home lately its hard to remember what happened yesterday. My baby is getting bigger, the little thing is starting to move around a little bit more everyday. We've heard the heartbeat numerous times and Isaac is actually using that to write more music based on our baby's heartbeat. A couple of recent songs he's written are really cool, i want him to someday be able to do something more on a professional level. His music is so good I wish there was something I could do to help him accomplish his dream since he's helping me work towards mine. I wish there was more I could do for him but with the baby on the way and trying to maintain my hormones so i'm not going completely crazy I've somehow neglected Isaac in a way. I feel bad but I'm not sure what to do to make him feel better.
LinkLeave a comment

I don't whats wrong [Sep. 13th, 2006|09:58 am]
gddssvxn
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]

Lately things haven't been going very well for Isaac and I. He's been sleeping on the couch more, acting like he doesn't want me around and not really showing any affection to me anymore. Its the same shit I've gone through over and over again with the numerouse ex boyfriends i've had in the past. I mean is it me? Am I the one pushing him away? Have I done or said something to start this? I really don't need this right now with this little baby on the way. I mean yes I will admit to the fact that i have abandonment issues. With numerouse family members walking out of my life over the years and not really having a stable family to support me. But damn being together for almost a year and now he's acting like this with me being almost 5 months pregnant. I feel like he's hiding something or theres something going on with him that he's not telling me. Whatever it is it needs to be resolved now before i get sucked into a relationship that I can't get out of. I hope i'm not right but something tells me that maybe Isaac is wanting out and not telling me or he's not being as faithfull to me as he seems to be. All I know is this better be resolved soon and for the better. Otherwise all of my friends in Indiana might be seeing me sooner than expected. I don't know what to do, how do i confront him about this and not have it turn into a full blown argument?
LinkLeave a comment

Things are getting better [Sep. 11th, 2006|10:45 am]
gddssvxn
[Current Location |school]
[Current Mood |happyhappy]
[Current Music |none]

Things are starting to look up. Although Isaac and I have been butting heads a little more often than normal. Like this morning for example he hasn't been feeling well lately and was having a problem sleeping. I had my bookbag sitting on the floor next to the couch, he went to sleep on the couch. I woke up this morning and found my bookbag laying in a chair with my glasses broken and my tape for psychology completely distroyed. Not to mention that tape would have been useful since it had everything I needed for the quiz on it. I was pissed >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>WTF<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<. He must have gotten pissed off about something and threw it into the chair. I brought it to his attention that two very valuable things of mine were broken due to his temper tantrum he had. He looked shocked and upset when I showed him the tape and then he realized how much he screwed me over. All of the vital information I needed to study for this quiz was on this tape and now its gone. Thankfully I went to my proffesor and told her the situation and she's letting me take the quiz on Wed instead. That still does not forgive Isaac's actions though.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Ok now that my little rant is out of my system<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Things are begining to look up for us. We've started to catch up on the bills and I'm actually starting to enjoy being pregnant. The other night i went to the ER to see if I had another UTI, what I thought was a UTI turned out to be just growing pains. What was really cool though was Isaac and I got to hear the heartbeat, it was the best thing in the world. Hearing that gave me a different perspective on the whole thing and I feel a lot better. Not to mention I'm finally starting to make some new friends and have a social life again. I miss you all back home.

PATTI,AMANDA,and MICHELLE....LET ME KNOW YOUR ALIVE!!!!!
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

My dreams might actually come true [Sep. 6th, 2006|01:47 pm]
gddssvxn
[Current Mood |hopefulhopeful]

There's something else i looked into. I had a friend of mine at school tell me about the LPN program they offer here and the prerequisite classes are way different here than they were in Indiana. The LPN program has 6 prerequisite classes before going into the LPN school (which is only like next Aug thru next Dec) in Beloit,Kansas. 3 of those classes I'm already in and the other 3 I can take online. With my major now it would be harder for me to find online classes for the spring semester, but now I have figured out the perfect solution. If I change my major from Pre Pharmacy to LPN Nursing I not only have a jump start on it but it'll be SO much easier to get online classes while i'm on maternity leave and not loose credit for any other classes i wouldn't be able to take. AND nursing is what i wanted to do in the first place. The only reason I considered pre pharmacy was because i though the nursing program here would be just as difficult as in Indiana. So in a nut shell i already have 3 of the 6 classes i need now, the other 3 i can do at home online during spring semester, then in the fall go to LPN school, then go back to cloud to take another 5 classes (which equals 13 credit hours) and have my RN.



So if we move out to Pullman, Washington i can go to Washington State University get my Bachelors, Mastors, or whatever I want and be a nurse. I can finally get what i've wanted and it'll be so much easier to get it. Not saying the classes are easy but knowing that I can actually do what I've dreamed of doing in 2 years, OMG i'll work my ass off and do what I have to do to get it. Sorry didn't mean to write a novel.
LinkLeave a comment

Rough times now and Ahead [Aug. 30th, 2006|11:51 am]
gddssvxn
[Current Mood |stressedstressed]

Things for us have kind of hit a rough spot, yesterday Isaac and I had a big fight over our situation. We made up but everytime either him or I mention something related to it things get bad. I quit Wal Mart. They basically told me that it was either school or my job and I had to choose which was a top priority otherwise they were letting me go. I'm not about to screw up what I've got going on for myself here at school so i quit. I really had no other choice, I'm getting good grades in all of my classes and I'm not behind in a single one. Right now working at Wal Mart is not as important to me as going to school. That I think is what started everything. With Isaac still being brand new at McDonalds we're not sure whats going to happen. We had to go down to the food bank today just to get groceries. I think there's only enough gas in the car to get me home today but I don't know how we'll get around tomorrow. AND to top it all off Isaac still hasn't gotten paid from Veronica. Isaac did some work on one of her rental properties and told Isaac she would pay him for doing it. Everytime Isaac and asked her about it she gives him this lame excuse why she can't pay him at the moment. Right now we need that either to put towards rent which is coming up or put gas in the car and get groceries. I'm just completely fed up with the whole situation, it got so bad I literally broke down in Isaac's arms yesterday. I don't what to do or where to turn, our rent is going to be late, the little bit of food we got from the food bank probably won't last but a few days and we're still days away from any kind of relief. If things are going like this now how on earth are we going to take care of a baby.
LinkLeave a comment

(no subject) [Aug. 22nd, 2006|11:49 am]
gddssvxn
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]

Things have been going pretty rough lately. Things around here don't seem to be going my way. I've been trying so hard not to let stress overcome my body because i know it will hurt my baby a lot. I just don't know what to do or who to turn to. I've been in school for almost a week and a half and i'm miserable. I've gone to i don't know how many activities here at school and I just can't seem to fit into anything. I checked into an art club and it turns out that its not for me, it's a graphic design club. The club i was wanting to join doesn't exist anymore because there aren't enough students to keep it going. No matter what I do i always end up sitting by myself, no one around to talk to, no one close that i can turn to. I need a friend here that i can go to about stuff that i don't feel comfortable talking to Isaac about. It's really hard knowing all my friends and family are in Indiana. I thought i could turn to Veronica-Isaac's sister in law- but she is too preoccupied with the kids and other things. I need someone to talk to about what i'm going through, what to expect, just someone in general to be a friend. Isaac has been wonderful but there are just somethings that I can't talk to him about either because he wouldn't understand or the advice he would give would be completely wrong. Everyday I get to the point where i'm on the verge of having a breakdown because of either school, work, or lack of friends. Work is really kicking my ass right now too. Its getting harder and harder to juggle school and work at the same time. If I can't handle this how on earth am i going to be able to take care of this baby. I feel even worse because of the fact that Isaac has swallowed his pride and taken a job at McDonald's. I watched him get ready for work this morning and I got this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that this wasn't right. He should be doing something that he's good at and enjoys, not flipping burgers just cause its a full time job right now. I'm just so confused, I don't know what to do. I'm sorry I shouldn't be dumping all of this on anyone out there, You all probably have enough to deal with. I just don't know where else to turn or anyone else to talk to. I miss everyone in Indiana so much I just wish you guys were closer. I just know I want to figure something out before I end up hurting my baby worse.
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

First day blues [Aug. 16th, 2006|12:35 pm]
gddssvxn
[Current Mood |blankblank]

Hey all, I havent really had the time to sit and update but now i have some time to spare. What a week so far, not only was last night my light night to work after a 6 day stretch of nothing but Wal Mart, today was also my first day of school. Back to the world of grueling classes and endless lectures. Your probably all wondering if i'm going to actually stick with it. The answer is yes, if not for myself for my baby as well. I want my child to know how hard i worked at trying to better myself to be a good mommy for him. Not to mention Isaac is supporting me 100%. Today has been hectic, trying to find classrooms for the first time in a circular building gets you a little confused. Not to mention every day i'm starting to feel more and more pregnant, my professors a cool about it though. They all have told me that as my belly gets bigger they are going to get some chairs i'll be able to sit in as my belly gets bigger. Not only that but i'm looking at signing up for this club called The Guild, an art club. Something fun to do other than the boring classes i HAVE to take. Well gotta go, class starts soon.
LinkLeave a comment

navigation
[ viewing | 10 entries back ]
[ go | earlier/later ]