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How long am I going to have to wait? [Jan. 30th, 2007|12:25 pm]
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[Current Mood |worriedworried]

Lately I've been joking around with Isaac about when we were going to set a date, normally he just gives me a funny look and changes the subject. Now it's getting to the point where I don't know what he wants to do. Why has he put his divorce off for so long? If he really loves me the way he says he does, wouldn't that make him want to get it done all the more, especially now with the baby on the way? I feel like he doesn't want to move on because theres something about Heather that he doesn't want to give up. Am I just going to stay his "girl-friend" until he decides he's ready? When our child is like 5 years old and comes to me and asks me why mommy and daddy aren't married what do I say? Everytime I try bringing this up with Isaac or ask him some of these questions he changes the subject or says "I'll get it taken care of don't worry" and then the whole thing gets put off even longer. Is it just my hormones that are making me feel this way or is there something I should really be concerned about? I'm afraid to talk to him about this again because he might take it as me nagging or being too pushy. I mean am I wrong to feel like this? So many questions and the only real person that has the answers is Isaac, but how do I ask him without him either getting offended or not take me seriously. The last time this came up I almost broke up with him over it, it's not fair to me to sit here and wait and hope and dream about the day we get married when they might get shattered because he's still holding on to his ex. Is that what I have to be pushed to do to get him to realize how important this is? I don't want to have to do that, I love him so much and I don't want to loose him but what else am I supposed to do. How much longer am I going to have to put my life, future with him, on hold? I've been patient and understanding about this for over a year and frankly i'm starting to get tired of waiting for him to get this done. Sorry I'm not trying to dump my problems onto everyone but is there some kind of advice anyone can give me. This has been on my mind for a while and I want to talk about it with him but at the same time I don't want to push him away. He's the father of my child and I'm just as crazy about him now as I was when we first got together. I can't picture how my life would be without him, I love him so much but this thing is hurting me. Any advice you can give please email me back, again sorry for dumping my problems on you, I guess I just needed to talk to someone about this before bringing it up with Isaac.
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[User Picture]From: lunawry
2007-02-04 12:31 am (UTC)
BRUTAL HONESTY. Honey I know you can say something a million times over and over and over again and recieve the SAME blank look and drool from certain men on this planet... but if you don't keep trying it'll never happen. I'm not saying you should break up with him, or push yourself emotionally by bringing it up until you want to, what I'm saying is you NEEEEEEED to explain to him that you are feeling that. For every time you've brought it up, drop a level of education from his mentality on that subject okay.... he's probably at sixth grade by now or so I imagine so.... you need to tell him flat out "I'm not comfortable with you putting this off any more. You are making me feel a lot of negative things because of this, and I do not feel you are taking MY feelings in this matter seriously enough. I AM willing to leave you over this.(or however far you WILL go) I am NOT willing to wait another four months.(or other time table) I also will NOT be appeased by ANYTHING short of true visible PROGRESS twards this goal. Right now you have three choices as far as I'm concerned. Go on as you are and possibly lose me (or however far you're willing to go), tell me flat out you won't do it and _______ (insert what you will do here), or take care of it. I will give you this one and only warning about how I feel however. I'll not listen to you tell me you WILL take care of it, and watch you put it off any longer."

Talk to him like he's stupid.
Make a lot of statements about how you FEEL, how he makes you FEEL, how the situation makes you FEEL.... ect
Make clear short statements about what you want.
Make clear short statements about your boundaries regarding this.

Most importantly STICK TO YOUR BOUNDARIES AND DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY WITH IT ANYMORE OR YOU WILL DEAL WITH THIS FOREVERMORE.

*hugs* I love you Beffy.... I miss you so much and I worry about you though I don't have many chances to talk to you. I'm sorry you are feeling so miserable right now and I really do hope that changes. if you need to text me I have shit ton's of text messages on my phone though not actual talking minutes! Take care of yourself, and your future baby.

Moochelle
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